The Lawnversation | Living Under Scottish Rule | Storytime

The Best Worst idea is a weekly podcast exploring how our worst ideas often give way to our best ideas. What's your best worst idea? Want to find out? Let's go You're so ugly you can be a modern art masterpiece. You look like a blueberry. Who's gonna take his place? See is Jesus. You this? This is my it's time for another story. Though I was born in Scotland, I came to this country at a very young age. My family settled in the South Bay town of Torrance, California. We rented a house that sat on a corner of a small block. It had a large raised porch and a giant avocado tree that would drop football sized avocados every couple of years, which would go on eaten and rot in clusters at the base of the tree. It was 1979 Scottish people knew even less about avocados then than they do now. Our lawn was huge for the neighborhood, as curled around the side of the house with the sidewalk. And like so many immigrants to this country. We want it to be American. All we were firstly proud of our heritage and where we came from. We wanted a piece of the American dream. We did our best to assimilate. But I was very clear on the fact that I was living under Scottish rule. My parents were a unified front. You could not play one parent against the other, even when they themselves may have disagreed with the others decision. They stayed aligned children or to be seen and not heard. Our feelings and choices were handed to us. It was not a democracy. There was no bill of rights to turn to. There were chores to complete on a daily basis. This included and was not limited to sweeping, cleaning, washing, dishes, dusting, vacuuming, and the ever present task of peeling potatoes. We ate some form of potato with every meal. Spaghetti on the menu for tonight. Fantastic. Fuel potatoes, you get the idea. One of the other daily chores was to water the aforementioned lawn. When my father came home from work, the first question he would ask was did you get air and water the lawn? Boy? Yes, I would answer. He would not then how long did it take you? I understand something. There is no right answer to this question. If you said 10 minutes, my father would proclaim that you could not possibly have given the lawn a proper drunk and 10 minutes there and furnish it. Conversely, if you said 30 minutes, he would rage five minutes. What do you think made up bloody money? There was no pleasing the man. So you simply had to make a choice. Stand by it and take your medicine either way. Well, one day I sat in class at school and looked out the window and watched a torrential downpour flood the streets. It was a cold, wet and grey day but I smiled inside because I knew I wouldn't have to go home and water the grass. By the time school was over the rain had stopped but the effects of the storm were visible everywhere. Clogged drainage tunnels, collections of mud and leaves were everywhere. I walked home from school without a care in the world. around 5pm or so my father arrived home. I was watching TV. He must have bristled at the sight of me looking relaxed and self satisfied. Then it came the one question I was sure I wouldn't have to answer. Did you won't have that long today boy. The circuits in my brain seized. I didn't know how to answer. I mean, this was a joke right? I eventually answered no. My voice was just above a whisper. My father pressed harder. What? Speak up. No, I reiterated. Why not? Because it rained. What? Speak up. louder now I answered. Because it rained. I father looked through me. His need to not be challenged by his son must have outweighed his common sense. He simply said, you get out there and you water the hole. Within a minute or two I could be seen watering a rain soaked lawn and full view of the neighbor's God and everyone. The neighbor directly across the street called out to me as all it rained all day, what are you doing? All I could do was nod while the insults continued. I don't know if there's a moral to the story. But I still can't stand avocados if you enjoyed this content, please do me a favor and like, comment and share it. Or you can subscribe to this podcast by going to www dot Best Worst idea podcast.com